11:30 pm (gotta be up in 5 hours)

Another sleepless night..

its terrible how easily you let yourself slip back into the shitty side of life..
when you recap the day, is it mostly all the times something made you laugh out loud
or smile uncontrollably

or is it more like, when your recapping there's a tiny violin in the background singing
to how pathetic you're feeling (im head bobbing to the beat right now)

Maybe its just inner influences, energy level, lack of serotonin in the brain, or some other hidden reason you cant pinpoint.

I want to be that person who is always looking at everything objectively, to be able to walk outside my body, my emotions, my state of mind and just deduce what's really going on.

but dammit thats a lot harder than i want to admit (who needs to win half the battle anyway)

EMOTIONS: longing, missing, dwelling, sleep deprived

time

One of my friends wrote about time being unnaturally part of our lives. This causes it to affect us negatively, aging us and slowly killing us. If it were natural, we would be like fish in water.

I responded..

There was a beautiful thought that said that life was all the more beautiful because of the slipping away of time.

We that are ravaged by aging and chased by our own mortality are envied by the angels.

With the pressing thought of one day dying we are able to see colors all the more vibrant. Experience joys to the full extent because one day we will never be able to experience it again.

. . .

If we ignored heaven and we were only given what we have here on earth, would we appreciate life more?



ps if we could infinitely do something later we probably would...

ill pay you back next century.. geezz relax.. you act as if you are going to die or somthing!

The Irish vietnamese

I'm not actually Irish, but Vietnamese. I don't even have red hair if you believe it! So, why Tam the irish? Funny story, glad ya asked.

I was serving at TGIF a few years back. It was during a night shift.

I was at my tables when I felt someone staring at me. You know the feeling when your hairs stand on the back of your neck? The feeling like 'this is just wrong'.

I looked around to see what was giving me the willies..... and there she was.

An older asian woman staring me down. It felt like how mice must feel when snakes are staring them down. Unblinking. cold. hungry. If she had a forked tongue, I swear it would have licked the air.

Creeped out, I ducked to the back to punch in food orders.

Thinking I got away, foolish mouse, I sighed.

And there it was again. Neck hairs at full attention. Then a tap on the shoulders.

"Hello."

It was her, up close and personal. She had no clue what personal bubble meant.

She was much older than I first thought. Her face was just caked on with make-up. The foundation cracked apart from the deep wrinkles in her face.

"Can I help you ma'am?"

She looks at me, batting her long mascara caked eyelashes.

"Your cute. Are you..... Asian?"

(let me take a time out. If you dont know me, I have pitch black hair, black squinty eyes, tan yellow skin, and I accounting.... unmistakably asian.)

"No ma'am. Im Irish."



So for those who know me, Im really vietnamese.

For those who dont, touch me lucky charms and ill bop you with my shillelagh.