...

i am lost, but i do not know what im looking for

repetition

I wake up and pause.
why get up.
why move.
I do the same things i've done the day before
i step the same steps
curse myself in the same endless cycle
the days blend so seamlessly i lose count
i cower in my repetition, because it is safe
if i do not move forward i cannot fail
or worse yet,
people cannot see my fail
i wake up and pause.
why get up.
why move.

The Secret parts to men...

I read in an article about the secret sides to women.. i think it only fair that you see our other parts, the parts we may seldom show, but are always there...

The little boy

I am mischievous and rambunctious
I play pranks and I test limits
I will see how far I can go and how mad I can make you
When I am sick, I will need you to nurture me
When I am angry I need you to indulge me

But then there are the strange moments when we look at each other and laugh
There was no rhyme, reason, nor an end to it
we are just laughing
And when I feel remorse, there is no end to what I will do
You can look at me and demand anything and I will answer
"yes ma'am", thinking 'just love me again, please'
And when you are sick, All the comforts I can find for you
you will have. When you wake the next morning doughy eyed and refreshed
I just want to be the first person you see that was by your side through the whole night


The Rock

I am the rock, when I say it, It is so.
When we argue, your words can change nothing
When you do wrong, it is written in stone.
I do not change for the world

But, when you need strength, You can lean everything on me, I would not budge.
When all the world is a storm, I can stand strong to shelter you.
With the strength of my character and morals, you will never.. never! need think of how I will be
You will already know, and that gives you strength to move on.
When I say I love you, when I tell you there is no one else
You can always have faith that those words are etched forever in my heart.
The world cannot change me, nor move me away from you

The Handy Man

I can fix anything.. and i will try
even if i cant
this means I will break things
I will never accept the fact that I cant figure it out
even when it comes to you.
Why dont you do it this way, why dont you handle it like this, Let me try
I will fix and fix and fix, even when it isnt broken
You should tell your boss.... you should have been a friend.... you shoudlnt have been so mean

But I only try because i care.
When I try to fix it, I try to be the man you can rely on
Spending hours on something because you once loved it and dont want to throw it out
And when you are broken, and tears run down your face
maybe no ratchet can tighten or ducktape can close,
but just lean yourself on my shoulders
It will never tire and it will remain dry for you, even through the night


men are all these, please remember that

the first moment

the music was beating and the air was thick with sweat and cigarettes

shes pulling me along the crowd to her friends.

all around me, people are staring.

is that a chino?

wtf is he doin here

are they together?

is he lost?

not a word was spoken, but their eyes showed it all.


she didnt notice, and when she did.. she didnt care

she turned to face me.

i never cared for brown eyes

but hers demanded my attention.. pulling me in, taking me away

only leaving rhyme and reason behind

at that moment, i was hers. that moment our eyes locked i was lost

she could have asked for anything, anything! but she only had one demand

salsa

"i cant"

"ill teach you"

"i cant"

"you will"

she already knew my real answer, she didn't need to ask

she never stopped smiling, she never doubted one second



she taught me and i danced. i stumbled and i blushed, but i couldn't stop, wouldn't stop.

body's meshed

turning and dipping

twisting and swaying

maybe it was the liquor talking, maybe it was because i hadn't slept in days

but i felt like everyone on the floor stopped moving to give us this moment

11:30 pm (gotta be up in 5 hours)

Another sleepless night..

its terrible how easily you let yourself slip back into the shitty side of life..
when you recap the day, is it mostly all the times something made you laugh out loud
or smile uncontrollably

or is it more like, when your recapping there's a tiny violin in the background singing
to how pathetic you're feeling (im head bobbing to the beat right now)

Maybe its just inner influences, energy level, lack of serotonin in the brain, or some other hidden reason you cant pinpoint.

I want to be that person who is always looking at everything objectively, to be able to walk outside my body, my emotions, my state of mind and just deduce what's really going on.

but dammit thats a lot harder than i want to admit (who needs to win half the battle anyway)

EMOTIONS: longing, missing, dwelling, sleep deprived

time

One of my friends wrote about time being unnaturally part of our lives. This causes it to affect us negatively, aging us and slowly killing us. If it were natural, we would be like fish in water.

I responded..

There was a beautiful thought that said that life was all the more beautiful because of the slipping away of time.

We that are ravaged by aging and chased by our own mortality are envied by the angels.

With the pressing thought of one day dying we are able to see colors all the more vibrant. Experience joys to the full extent because one day we will never be able to experience it again.

. . .

If we ignored heaven and we were only given what we have here on earth, would we appreciate life more?



ps if we could infinitely do something later we probably would...

ill pay you back next century.. geezz relax.. you act as if you are going to die or somthing!

The Irish vietnamese

I'm not actually Irish, but Vietnamese. I don't even have red hair if you believe it! So, why Tam the irish? Funny story, glad ya asked.

I was serving at TGIF a few years back. It was during a night shift.

I was at my tables when I felt someone staring at me. You know the feeling when your hairs stand on the back of your neck? The feeling like 'this is just wrong'.

I looked around to see what was giving me the willies..... and there she was.

An older asian woman staring me down. It felt like how mice must feel when snakes are staring them down. Unblinking. cold. hungry. If she had a forked tongue, I swear it would have licked the air.

Creeped out, I ducked to the back to punch in food orders.

Thinking I got away, foolish mouse, I sighed.

And there it was again. Neck hairs at full attention. Then a tap on the shoulders.

"Hello."

It was her, up close and personal. She had no clue what personal bubble meant.

She was much older than I first thought. Her face was just caked on with make-up. The foundation cracked apart from the deep wrinkles in her face.

"Can I help you ma'am?"

She looks at me, batting her long mascara caked eyelashes.

"Your cute. Are you..... Asian?"

(let me take a time out. If you dont know me, I have pitch black hair, black squinty eyes, tan yellow skin, and I accounting.... unmistakably asian.)

"No ma'am. Im Irish."



So for those who know me, Im really vietnamese.

For those who dont, touch me lucky charms and ill bop you with my shillelagh.